A Shadier Ranma!
by W. Monroe
Summary: Ranma has a problem; he's been betrothed unwillingly - and unwittingly - by his father to Akane. His answer? Save a poor guy from some thugs and learn to play an old man's game!


**A Shadier Ranma!**

The fence rattled as Ranma strode along it, the metal links shaking ever so perceptibly under his weight. Usually this wouldn't happen, his agility so great that he could cross silently if he'd wanted to, but on this day – rather, this entire week – he'd not been himself.

Not since his father dropped one heck of a bombshell on him.

To think his old man, that damn trickster, would do something so underhanded as engage his own son – without even asking, too! – to the daughter of the man he trained beside in his youth. It rankled every single part of Ranma's being to think he'd been used like that. But it didn't surprise him, at least not that much. His father always was a less than honorable sort, and while they were practitioners of the Anything Goes style, the son felt his father partook of the school's namesake a little _too_ liberally for Ranma's liking.

"Damn it, Pops…" Ranma growled, glad for once that he wasn't in the company of that _tomboy_ Akane or her rather more agreeable sisters. "Why'd you have to go and do this? You couldn't at least be a man and tell me about these things sooner?" just as he mumbled that question he reached the end of the fence. With a gentle hop down he continued his stroll, opting to take a walk through the shopping district rather than go back to the Tendou household and the rabble within.

But his mood didn't improve, not in the least, as he walked about the place. It didn't help matters that he was broke and so couldn't even shop to pass the time, but it was mostly the fact that he was trying hard to think of a way out of all this trouble, and he was slowly becoming rather more desperate than he'd ever expected he'd be in his life!

"Get back here!" Ranma's ears perked up and he raised his head to find a man of early middle age barreling down on him, a briefcase in hand, face full of fear and a roughed up dark gray suit upon his body. "When we're through with you-"

"Help me!" the man practically shrieked toward Ranma as three men – yakuza, from the looks of it – started descending on them. "Please kid, ya gotta help me!"

"H-huh?" it took a moment for Ranma to shake his thoughts clear, but only a moment. Then, with a shout of "Take this!" Ranma ducked to the terrified man's side and dove into the fray, launching an assault that took two of the gangsters down almost immediately before the other came to a halt, his survival instincts a tad stronger after watching what had happened to his friends.

Not strong enough, however.

"Heh," the man smirked, reaching inside his white suit and retrieving a knife from its confines. "So, you wanna play this game, huh kid? Being a hero and all that, it's gonna get you hurt one of these days, you know? Like," he pointed the knife forward and lunged for Ranma, yelling at the top of his lungs while onlookers just gasped, " _today!_ "

Unfortunately, Ranma wasn't impressed, nor was he scared as, just as the man got within striking distance Ranma launched a kick from below that caught the man's chin before seizing the hand with the knife and twisting it, forcing the weapon out and to the ground while he held the man in that pose for a moment before growling, "And if you keep playing the villain you're gonna get hurt. _Now._ "

The white suited man laughed nervously, his survival instinct growing by leaps and bounds after his humiliating defeat by this newcomer. "H-heh, s-s-sorry 'b-bout th-that, s-sir…"

"Yeah, I'll bet," Ranma sighed, then let the man go. He did make a point to put his foot on the knife however, as if daring the older man to try restarting their little fight. "Now get outta here and stop gangin' up on people, especially those weaker than you, got it!"

The yakuza didn't even bother staying around, though they were extremely apologetic – vocally, at least – for imposing on Ranma like they did.

It wasn't until they were out of sight that Ranma felt a tap on his shoulder and, with another, heavier sigh he slumped his shoulders and turned around. "Yeah, what is it?"

The man he saved immediately moved to creep Ranma out by closing the distance so much so that the younger man was sure if he so much as twitched his lips he'd end up having his first – and worst – kiss ever. "That was amazing, kid! You handled those thugs like they were nothing at all, and without even breaking a sweat!" then the man wrapped his arms around Ranma in a hug, picking him up while the smaller Ranma was too shocked to respond in any way.

But eventually he found his voice. "Put me down, damn it! I don't need a hug-" when his feet touched the ground, Ranma was so surprised he barely registered that the man had begun dusting his red shirted shoulders off and straightening his hair. "Uh, thanks…"

When the man was done, he pulled back, straightened the tie tucked into his suit, whipped a comb out and ran it through his gelled back hair and spread his arms wide gregariously. "Don't mention it, my lad, it was the least I could do for my savior!" then he clasped Ranma's shoulders firmly, his grip nowhere near Ranma's strength yet firm all the same. "Tell me, is there any way I can repay you for what you've done? Maybe you need a job? A man in my line of work could always use a bodyguard!"

Blinking, Ranma ignored the stares of the locals as he asked, "What are you, some sort of banker?"

"Not quite," the man grinned. But his grin didn't remain as he watched Ranma return to the sullen look he'd worn earlier. "I-is there something wrong? I didn't insult you, did I?"

Shaking his head, Ranma shrugged and waved his hand. "No, just… problems, that's all."

The man wrapped his arm around Ranma then, leading the boy along as he said, "Well, seeing as you helped me, let me return the favor! Of course," a new thought occurred to him as Ranma semi-willingly went along with it, "that is, so long as you don't have any problems like I just had. You're on your own, if so, lad."

A little of Ranma's usual personality leaked through as he said, "Gee, thanks."

"Don't mention it!" the man had to have misunderstood Ranma, or so he wanted to believe as they walked off toward a more private place to speak.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," the man, who'd introduced himself only when they'd arrived at the little private booth in a restaurant he knew of as Min-Jun Satou, finished listening intently to Ranma's tale of woe. "It's not legally binding, this agreement of theirs since… well," he flipped his hand toward his dinner guest for emphasis, "but you're both hung up-"

"Am not!" Ranma denied.

"I know, I know," Min-Jun waved the younger patron's outburst off as he continued, "but what you need is to get your dad and this Akane girl's dad off both your backs, right?" when Ranma nodded after taking a bite out of the meal Min-Jun had bought for him – far more expensive, the boy knew, then probably all of what he and his father owned between them – the man grinned and crossed his arms, his own meal barely touched. "Then why not marry her?"

Ranma swallowed wrong, thus causing a small coughing fit before, once his pipes were clear again he growled as quietly as he could manage, "That's what we're trying to avoid, dammit."

The man chuckled as he leaned back into his seat. "But you're not thinking like a pro, Ranma my lad. Now, here's what you're to do if you want to get both you and that Akane girl out of this little bit of trouble…"

Alternating between nodding intently and barely restrained outbursts of incredulity and embarrassment, Ranma was eventually taught all he'd need to know in order to finally, once and for all, free himself and Akane from their torment brought upon them by their fathers.

Of course, he cringed inwardly as he and Min-Jun parted ways near to evening with a promise to see each other again, it wasn't gonna be easy…

* * *

"Where's Ranma?" it was, strangely enough, Nabiki who finally asked this question as the entire household sans the aforementioned young man sat down for dinner. "Not like him to miss a meal. Going to go look for him, Akane?"

Akane gave her older sister a flat look crossed with a glare as she gratefully received a bowl of rice from her eldest sister. "Who am I, his keeper? Not like I wanted him around in the first place, so it's fine by me if he stays out even longer."

While their fathers ignored the discussion, Nabiki decided to prod just a little further in hopes that there might be some entertainment heading her way. "Do you _really_ mean that, sis?"

"What are you implying?" Akane looked at Nabiki out of the corner of her eye; her sister merely smirked, turned and focused on her own bowl of rice then. "For your information, Nabiki, it'd be just fine with me if you wanted to take him off my hands."

Ever so slightly, Akane noted her sister tense up for a brief moment. But Nabiki did her best to hide it as she said, "Well, he's cute… at least in guy form, and I bet you could make a mint as his manager… but the whole curse thing is, well…" then with a sigh, Nabiki patted her sister on the back, smiled and said, "even though it _pains_ me to say it, I think I'll take one for the whole family and let you have him, sis. Anyways, he's a little…"

"A little what?" first Akane, then even Kasumi and the fathers looked toward Nabiki in interest, multiple voices repeating those three words at varying intervals.

Finally, Nabiki replied, "A little dense, if you ask me."

After everyone picked themselves up off the floor, it was Genma who nodded in agreement first. "Sad to say, but my boy's not what one would call deviously minded. Too impertinent, hotheaded and plain old stubborn, if you ask me."

While Akane nodded in agreement, she was flustered to find both her sisters and her father looking straight at her and nodding along a little too eagerly until they realized she was aware of what they were doing and looked nonchalantly away to their own business.

 _And the entertainment was… lacking,_ Nabiki thought to herself as she took a drink from her cup.

Dinner went by smoothly after that exchange with no sign of Ranma, and it wasn't until after Kasumi had finished the dishes and evening had turned to night that, just as the household – sans the aforementioned boy – had sat down to watch and, in the case of Genma and Soun, listen to the newest episode of a popular TV show did the front door slide open before being pulled back into position shortly afterward.

"Huh," Genma turned away from the game of Shogi he and Soun had been playing – much to his regret, as Soun took that moment to switch a few pieces to his advantage – and looked down the hall. "Wonder what's keeping him?" then, in a louder voice he called out, "Hey, boy! What took you so… long?"

Not a word was said in response.

It took the entire household a few minutes before, slightly worried, they all got up and made their way toward the entrance to see if something was wrong. When they arrived at the entrance Ranma was sitting there, his legs stretched out before him looking away from them. And nothing else.

It was Genma who, concern evident in his voice, called out first with a low, "Hey, boy? You alright-"

"Hey, Pops!" Ranma whipped around, his face one of pure bliss. The entire household jumped back a few inches at the sight as Ranma got quickly to his feet and, with arms wide open, took his father in a great big hug! "I haven't told you how great it is you're my dad lately, have I?"

Genma was too busy wondering whether he was dreaming, on drugs – Kasumi always _did_ strike him as a little too cheerful and pleasant at all times, she could have slipped him something with dinner – or a number of other unpleasant possibilities, but he finally recovered and gingerly took his son into a hug of his own as he stammered, "W-well b-boy, wh-wh-what's g-gotten into y-y-you t-tonight?" and patted Ranma's back.

"S-Saotome?" Soun feared to approach the boy, wondering whether it was even Ranma given how he was acting, and toward his _father_ no less. "A-are you… feeling alright-"

"Honored father-in-law!" now the entire family froze in shock as Ranma, without any warning, released Genma and swooped Soun up in a bear hug, pressing his face against his chest as he declared, "I can't wait to be a part of this family!"

Soun couldn't speak, he was too busy keeping control of his bowels; Genma, as he looked on in a stupor, knew the feeling all too well at the moment. But their bowels nearly won out as, just as Ranma put Soun back down and patted his shoulder cheerily the youngest Tendou daughter caught his eye and, without missing a beat, Ranma dove straight for her, sweeping her up in his arms as everyone now fought to keep their bowels under control.

All except Kasumi, who took that moment to excuse herself so she could check if the yard had recently filled with frogs and whether the water had turned to blood. Noting that nothing else seemed out of the ordinary, she returned to her family's side just as Ranma twirled off down the hall with Akane wailing on him in his arms the entire way.

"Are you _sure_ that's Ranma?" Kasumi asked when they'd rounded the corner out of sight.

Genma nor Soun could reply, so it was up to Nabiki to say, "I'm… not sure, sis. But I'd really like to know, if anyone has a clue what's going on here… and if you could tell me before I have to go back to school, that would be just great."

Everyone recovered enough to look at Nabiki and ask, "Why's that?"

The middle Tendou daughter's cool facade finally cracked as she clutched her hair and practically shrieked, "Because that idiot's ruining so many bets it's gonna make me look like I cheated somehow, damn it!"

The other three merely sighed at the younger woman's unusual outburst.

Meanwhile, as soon as the youngest Saotome and Tendou were around the corner and as far from hearing as possible, Ranma cooled it with the laughter and finally put a stop to Akane's merciless beating, the young woman immediately extricating herself from her suitor's arms to curl up in the corner outside her father's room.

"R-Ranma," she stammered, looking him square in the eye as she gulped. "H-have y-you lost-" she nearly fainted when his hand shot out and covered her mouth, but a finger to his lips and the otherwise pleading look in his eyes kept her from fearing too much for her safety. When he was sure she wouldn't scream, he motioned for her to keep her voice down if she spoke. "What are you doing-"

"Getting us out of that stupid arranged marriage Pops and your dad forced us into," he hissed as politely as he could. He'd gone this far, he damn sure well didn't want everything to fall apart after _that_ display just because he was rude. "Listen, I'm pretty sure it'll work but you have to play along, got it?"

After a moment to consider, Akane finally spoke up. "Y-you mean it?" when he nodded, she gulped. "Really? Y-you're not… insane?"

"Just trust me, okay?" Ranma did his best to show he was in his right mind, but Akane still had her doubts. "Now, if you could do me one little favor?" he pointed to the bumps and bruises she'd given his head before hissing, "could ya cool it with the full power onslaught! Killing me might do the job, but it ain't the best way to go, got it?"

Akane wasn't too sure about that, but she agreed. Still, they both noted, it wouldn't do to just all of a sudden stop, so it was decided she wouldn't hit too hard from that point on, just enough to look like she meant it. And with that decided, he swept her back in his arms and twirled her all the way back to the family room, laughing and unloading every sickeningly sweet pet name he could think of on such short notice.

"S-so, Saotome," Soun asked when the family was finally all seated around the table in the family room. "What—I mean, where…" after a moment to recollect his thoughts, Soun sat in silence with his arms crossed for a moment longer before slamming his hands down on the table and begging, "What is the meaning of all this!" at the top of his voice.

"Exactly as it sounds, honored father-in-law!" Ranma wasn't too sure the chirp in his voice was appropriate, but he added it nonetheless. When both parents inquired further, Ranma sighed and lowered his head as he said, "See, earlier today, I got into a fight with three guys to protect someone, and one of them had a knife."

The family blinked in response, though Kasumi reacted a bit more expectedly with an, "Oh my!" as she brought her hands up in front of her and clasped them.

"And it got me thinking," he did his damnedest to make sure his tone was just perfect as he spoke, "what am I gonna do if something like that happens again, but ends badly, and I don't have a child to take on the mantle of the Anything Goes school? And it made me start seeing the world through Pops' eyes, then one thing led to another and… well," he then looked at Akane and smiled a wide, beaming smile. "I just suddenly found myself thinking of snookum-wookums ever since!"

While Nabiki buried her face in a bowl near her and wretched, and Akane severely wished she could do the same as she looked bugeyed at Ranma sitting beside her (all while forcing her fists to remain at her side, trembling the entire time), Soun and Genma exchanged looks. Then Genma said, "Do you think the boy suffered a head wound, Tendou?"

Gruffly, Soun leaned back and murmured, "It's quite possible, what with that sudden change in behavior and all…"

Then, both men jumped to their feet and began dancing around in circles with one another as Genma exclaimed, "And if this is how he's going to behave from now on, I can only hope it's permanent!"

Ranma restrained himself amazingly well given he'd heard that loud and clear, a smile that spoke volumes of vengeance showing only for Akane to see.

But Nabiki managed to pull her head up briefly and glared up at her father and Genma and muttered, "What kind of parents are you—ulp!" before tucking her head back into the bowl as she heard Ranma once more lay into Akane with the pet names. _This is_ not _the entertainment I was looking for, dammit all!_

But it was Ranma that put a stop the celebrating – if only for a minute – when he announced, "If it wouldn't trouble you, father, can we have the wedding soon?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked in Ranma's direction. "Wh-what was that?" Genma wasn't sure, but he thought he'd died and gone straight to heaven, and this confused him greatly given who exactly he was. "What did you say, boy?" when Ranma repeated his words, Genma's smile grew even wider. "Of course you can-"

"Saotome!" Soun interjected. "Both of them aren't old enough to-"

At that precise moment, Genma gave a smirk of his own and turned to his future in-law. "Don't you think I'd prepare for just this kind of situation?" he then turned to the two kids, put his hands at his waist and laughed. "Just you wait kids, I know a guy who can do exactly what we need! Why, two copies of all the necessary paperwork and documentation is child's play for him!"

Soun just stared in amazement before looking down at Nabiki, who'd just managed to pull her head up before meeting her father's stare and declaring, "Hey, I'm not a guy and I don't forge documents, okay? And I don't even know anyone like—urp!" she ducked her head back down as another round of cutesy name-calling was heard coming from Ranma.

* * *

It wasn't long after that discussion that the wedding celebration was scheduled, and not even a week had gone by since that fateful night when the entire family had gathered to witness the marriage – on a sunny day, given that Genma had decided it worth the risk to invite Nodoka, which was an entirely different can of worms for poor Ranma – of Ranma and Akane, uniting at last the two houses in matrimonial bliss.

Of course, there was one guest that Ranma demanded be allowed there, and introduced him as Min-Jun Satou to everyone. Genma and Soun were especially grateful to see him given it was his presence that had finally caused Ranma to be a man and take charge for once, as Genma put it. Min-Jun merely nodded and grinned, but he seemed especially keen on keeping his briefcase near him the entire time, only remarking that he was always ready for business no matter what the time or place.

"I can't… believe this," Nabiki mewled as she rested against Kasumi's shoulder. She hadn't managed to recover from the shock of that night that started everything, and at all times kept a bowl nearby much to the concern of both her sisters and Nodoka. "I thought it was a joke, like he'd say, 'Gotcha!' but…"

"I know," Kasumi murmured. "It's actually quite impressive to think that they'll soon be… oh, Nabiki?" when her younger sister looked up at her, Kasumi patted her on the shoulder, "I hope you don't mind, but I should go and help Akane, she's going to need it getting into her dress after she washes up."

Though she regretted it immensely, Nabiki nodded and braced herself with one hand. "Sure, go on ahead, I'll just be… right here," she said before flopping down onto the pillow Kasumi provided her before the older Tendou sister and Nodoka went to check on the youngest sibling.

The celebration slowly turned to a low din as things began getting underway a little while later, and as soon as the minister was finished the two took their seats at the head of the room while opposite them Nabiki laid against the wall, barely able to manage sitting up for the entire rigamarole even with her sister and Nodoka's help.

And it _really_ didn't help that Nodoka remarked – innocently enough – that it seemed like Nabiki was ill for a completely different reason…

"Oh my, is that true, Nabiki?" Kasumi asked.

Nabiki's eyes bugged out then – much like her younger sister's were at that very moment, she realized – and she'd hissed under her breath, "Of course not! I ain't jealous – and that _better_ be what you were referring too, dammit – but this is just too damned strange, can't you… oh, oh gods," and that was the end of that as Kasumi brought the bowl up for her to hold as she did her best to keep from heaving her guts up in the middle of the ceremony.

But now the two were married, and it was as official as it could be, given the situation. Nabiki had to tell herself it was real, but she still couldn't wrap her head around it all. _Just_ what _happened back then, huh? Was a knife really all it took to change his mind?_

Ranma sat beside Akane and surveyed the entire room. Part of him felt guilty for what was about to happen, especially given the happy looks on his father's and Soun's faces, and his mother… he really wasn't expecting that part, but for a moment he very nearly reconsidered his plan.

Then he looked at Akane at his side, saw her eyes that, while smiling, spoke of murder if he failed to follow through, especially after what she had to do during that ceremony, and in front of Doctor Tofu, no less. And so, with a deep breath Ranma searched the crowd for Min-Jun and, when he found him, signaled to the man that it was time as he motioned for Akane to follow along behind him. The couple got to their feet, walked out of the room when barely anybody was watching, and were gone only a few minutes before, all of a sudden a very loud, very fierce argument rang out from off somewhere in the Tendou household.

"H-huh?" Genma and Soun paused in the act of stuffing their faces as they and the rest of the guests turned toward the commotion. "What's that about-"

Their question was answered when, all of a sudden, Akane came storming back into the room, shooting a look over her shoulder at Ranma and shouting in his face, "I want a divorce, you pig!"

"Oh yeah!" Ranma growled, getting into her face, "Well why the hell would I ever wanna be married to a merciless shrew like you anyways, huh?"

Crossing her arms, Akane huffed and said, "Oh, so I take it just any girl would do to have your heir, is that it?"

Ranma crossed his arms and looked away, "Only if that girl wasn't such a tomboy that I had to run up a tab at the local hospital every time I even tried giving her a hug, dammit!"

The entire room stood stunned at this sight, though Genma and Soun wondered if they might be able to return everything to normal if they could just figure out _where_ Ranma had been hit and replicate the act in time.

Of course, this was before Min-Jun strode up with his hands spread wide and said, "Alright, alright, that's enough you two!" when the kids looked at him, he grinned and winked after he was sure nobody could see him do it. "You really sure you want to divorce him, sweetie? I mean, he may not be perfect, but your Ranma is a pretty decent guy-"

"I'm _sure,_ " Akane spat, glaring Ranma's way the whole time. "I can't believe I even took the risk! I was such a fool!"

It was Ranma's turn to retort, "Well excuse me, miss-"

Min-Jun covered Ranma's mouth before he could say another word. "Well, if that's how you kids feel about it, maybe you _should_ get a divorce," then he removed his hand from Ranma's mouth, brought his brief case up before him and popped it open, "And it's a good thing you ran into Min-Jun Satou, the best divorce lawyer in all of Nerima! I can get this all done in the blink of an eye, my young friends! Now," he said as he sat down before both kids and invited them to do the same while everyone – Nabiki included – sat and stared goggle-eyed at the scene playing out before them, "did you have a pre-nup?"

"Right here," Akane pulled the document out from somewhere best left unsaid, which briefly caused Soun some distress, but Min-Jun took it without a word and looked it over before asking the reason for divorce. "Irreconcilable differences-"

"Plus spousal abuse," Ranma said, for which Akane smacked him across the head.

Soun, meanwhile, jumped to his daughter's defense with Genma right behind him. "Saotome! How in the world could you be so cruel as to abuse my daughter-"

Ranma shot them both a withering look. "The abused one is _me_ , you dolts! Do you even _know_ Akane?" to which both men thought for a moment, then admitted their mistake before backing off.

"Hey!" Akane yelled, causing both their fathers to put even more distance between them and her.

Min-Jun ignored – especially Ranma's comments, given the situation – all that, however, and focused on the task at hand as he sorted through his paper work like a man possessed. Then he handed them several documents before asking for their stamps.

"And that's that," he said at last, straightening his papers out while the kids sighed in relief. "You're now no longer married, and I gotta say that is the _quickest_ marriage I've ever seen!" he then laughed before saying, "Of course, it's a good thing that you two are adults and your families can't say anything to stop you, or what happened earlier would be a crime!"

This seemed to deflate any attempt on the part of Genma or Soun to argue against or even browbeat their youngest children into changing their minds.

As Min-Jun excused himself with a note that he'd drop the paperwork off at the city office ASAP, Nodoka grew teary-eyed as Ranma approached her apologetically. "I'm sorry, Mom, I-"

"Oh Ranma," Nodoka swept him up in a hug then. "It's just… I mean, it's just that-" then she seized Ranma by his shoulders and stared starry-eyed into him before sweeping him up in an even tighter hug, "My little boy even went through his first divorce without even crying or getting upset! You're truly the very definition of manly, Ranma!" then she whipped around and dove onto Genma, hugging him while he tried very, very hard not to scream. "You really outdid yourself, raising him to be such a man!"

Akane, finally able to abandon this ruse, took that moment to sidle on up to Doctor Tofu with her new-found single status and asked, "Um, Doctor Tofu? How do you feel about divorcées?"

While Tofu tried – nervously, with a lot of hemming and hawing – to collect his thoughts for a response, Nabiki finally recovered enough to get to her feet under her own power, approached Ranma and gripped his shoulders tightly, glaring into his eyes as she growled, "Saotome…"

"Wh-what?" Ranma stammered.

Then, after checking that nobody was watching, Nabiki turned back and smirked his way, showing a bit more tooth than Ranma was comfortable with. "Given the trouble you've caused and the money you've lost me, I hope that courtship and marriage are the only things a, 'mastermind,' like you is quick about in relationships because, after the crap you put me through these past few days, you definitely _owe me big._ "

All Ranma could do as Nabiki led him out of the room was stammer out a weak, "H-huh?"

However, a bit of luck on Soun's part let him witness Nabiki half lead, half drag Ranma out of the room with a peculiar look upon her face, and suddenly realized there may still be hope the Tendous and Saotomes would be united in marriage after all.

 **The End**


End file.
